I'tiraf, Prayer of Repentance

I'tiraf is a poem which is actually a du'a uttered by a slave of Allah by the name of Abu Nawas. A naive and comedic person known as the jester which his acts and sayings always drew laughter from the crowds. There is an inspirational story on how the du'a was occuring.

Once upon a time, there was a middle aged man sitting alone, watching the sun slowly setting.The atmosphere was quiet and serene, he saw how beautiful the sky is which clouds are filled with orange colour. He watched it thoroughly, until finally the beauty of the scene disappeared by the disappearance of the sun that has set. With no particular reason, which he himself don't know why, all of a sudden he can't hold back his tears. He felt so distressed and he cried his heart out and then putting his hand up and saying :

” Ilahi lastu lil firdausi ahlan
Walaa aqwaa ‘alannaril jahiimii
fahabli taubatan waghfir dzunuubi
fainnaka ghafirudzdzambil ‘adzhiimii
dzunuubi mitslu a’daadir rimali
fahablii taubatan yaa dzal jalaali
wa ‘umrii naaqishun fii kulliyaumi
wa dzambii zaa idun kaifahtimali
ilahi ‘abdukal ‘aashi ataaka
muqirran bi dzunubi waqad da’aaka
fa in taghfir faanta lidzaka ahlun
wa in tadrud faman narjuu siwaakaa"

which means :
God, I don't deserve your paradise,
but I can't withstand your hellfire,
so allow me to repent and please forgive my sins,
as You are the Forgiver of Sins.

My sins is as much as the sands at the beach,
so allow me to repent oh He Who Have All The Greatness
my lifetime decreases each and everyday,
but my sins increases, I can't help it

God, this sinful servant of Yours
Indeed I have sinned and I ask of You,
If you forgive indeed You are the Forgiver of Sins,
but if You refuse, to whom should we pray to other than You.

Abu Nawas, a character which knowns as a naive, abit silly and ridiculous jester is actually a very nice and sincere man. Those beautiful words above is a manifestation of his acknowledgment of all the sins he has committed. When he realize he is getting older and older, then the time for him to meet his creator is getting closer and he has no preparation for it, and acknowledging that he has sinned so much he felt he don't deserve of Allah's paradise but the sight of hellfire is so frightening for him to even withstand. Therefore, he then come to an acknowledgment that he is but a humble servant who has no power even for his own self 's fate, and only through repentance and seek for Allah's forgiveness then he will be enlightened from the severity of hellfire he frightened so much.

He cried when watching the sunset, coz he realize that is the metaphor of life. Only very seldom we took time in pondering upon the signs of Allah's greatness. When sun is about to set, then the scenery will be so beautiful and the atmosphere will become serene and hypnotizing it drew many people including us to be enchanted by it. And we don't realize that soon the sun will set and the darkness of the night will cover it. Only a few realize and prepared themselves by lighting some lamps to fend off the darkness.

Rasulullah SAW cried till his chest shook and his beard soaked with his own tears wh en receiving a revelation from Allah ”
Behold! in the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the alternation of night and day,- there are indeed Signs for men of understanding, Men who celebrate the praises of Allah, standing, sitting, and lying down on their sides, and contemplate the (wonders of) creation in the heavens and the earth, (With the thought): "Our Lord! not for naught Hast Thou created (all) this! Glory to Thee! Give us salvation from the penalty of the Fire. ” (QS. Ali - Imran : 190 - 191)

When Bilal ibn Rabbah, the favourite muadzin of Rasulullah SAW came and asked : " Why are you crying O Rasul Allah, when Allah has forgiven al ur past and future sins?"
Rasulullah then answered, " Haven't I yet becoming a grateful servant? And then Rasulullah said " Woes to those who read this ayah and not taking time pondering it"

This time of the moment, either Rasulullah SAW or Abunawas is no longer with us, however we must ponder upon this. Have we become a grateful servant and are we aware of the whole purpose of our existence and our duty for HIM?. As Rasululllah has stated that our life in this world is but temporary, a mere transit to reach our prominent destination, which is akhirah. Do we have enough supplies to continue the journey? An akhirah journey to reach the true life, an eternal and everlasting life.

May we always have the wisdom to take lessons from every events in our life. Wallahu'alam bi shawab.